BETA #1

298 :) at 15dpo.

I can't believe

After feeling like crap at 10dpo I took a hpt. It was very very faint and I couldn't tell if it was an evaporation line or not. Then at 11dpo there was a very faint pink line. I still convinced myself that I was not pg. Both of the previous test were not FMU. On the morning of 12dpo I used FMU and had a nice BFP. I retested in the afternoon on 13dpo and it was nice and dark.

Now I'm waiting for my BETA test to come back. For now, I'm PREGNANT. I'm praying that it sticks and that we can have a healthy baby around September 7th.

Update

Ultrasound and blood work updates.

Sunday, Dec. 9th

Right 11, 12, 11
Left 12
Lining at a 6
Told to continue 112.5iu GonalF

Wednesday Dec. 12th
Right 15, 17, 18
Left 15, 17
Lining at a 9
Reduce GonalF to 75iu

Friday, Dec. 14th
Right 18, 19, 20
Left 18
Lining at a 11
Trigger that night.

I'm shocked and amazed. The dr said everything looked perfect especially with my pcos. He said it multiple times that everything looks great and that I couldn't ask for a better cycle.

Now we just do our thing and hand it to God. This is our journey with God and now we must hand it over and trust him. It isn't easy, but I know that there is nothing else that I can do. All I want is His will to be done.

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

I gave myself my first ever injection. It wasn't too bad. Pretty easy and pretty painless. I don't know how I'd feel if I had a bigger needle.

I'm pretty proud of myself. I did it all on my own and didn't get too shaky.

Here we go, we are off for our TTC adventure. As soon as I O, I can say this was the first time I've ever Oed. :)

I'm excited to know what blessings are going to follow.

CD3 Blood Work and Ultra Sound

Everything went great today. My ultrasound showed a good lining and the only cysts are my little PCOS ones.

My blood work came back great too. My Estrogen number and FSH number was great. I'm so excited. I'm nervous because I feel like I'm waiting for something to go wrong. How do I enjoy this time? I don't know.

I'm on PNV, Met, Femara 2.5mg(cd3-7), GonalF 100IU(cd5-?). I go back in on Sunday for b/w and u/s. I hope that all of my follies will look great when I go in.

I need to call my drs office and see what time of day to take the GonalF.

I'm so excited and nervous all at the same time.

Here we go

Today is Dec 2nd and it is also cd2. I go in first thing in the morning for my u/s and bw. I had to explain it to my boss and she was very understanding. I'm going to be late for work and someone is covering my class until I can get there. I feel bad, but my boss said to do what I need to do.

As long as everything looks good tomorrow, this cycle will be the first oportunity for Dh and I to become pg. I know we will still only have a 25% chance of getting pg like everyone else. We could have some really good news on Christmas day, or we could be faced with a BFN. I'm thinking positive and that everything will work out great this cycle.

It is all in God's hands.

Ready?

That is the question that I've been asking myself. I had my HSG done two weeks ago this Monday. I'm ending my BCP on Tuesday (coming off of a rest cycle). I will be taking Femara, GonalF, Ovirdrel and doing TI.

Since I have PCOS, this will be my first ever chance of getting pg. I've never Oed in my life (that I know of). I've used just Clomid and just Femara and never even Oed.

This is all of a sudden feeling real. I'm shocked, excited, nervous and giddy. I don't really know what to feel. There will be so many appointments, shots and most of this will be done while DH is gone on his buisness trip. He will be getting back just in time (I pray) to do his part.

I've known for a long time that I'm ready to get pg, to be pg and to be a mom. All of a sudden I feel like "ready or not here we go"

:) Why do I have a felling that we are going to have multiples? Why O Why? ;)

HSG is over!

WOW, that was quite a bit of pain(but over quick). Even now ours after the fact, I'm still cramping. The good news is, tubes are clear.

If you have any questions, let me know.

DH's second SA results are in.

Last time around, everything was ok except for the motility. His motility was 17% and our office would like to see 80 or more. After 10 days of antibiotics, his results were 98%. So everything on his end is looking great.

As for me, I'm taking BCP for a rest cycle. We are tying to lower my testosterone level before we start the injectables.

Thanks for checking in!

I'm ready to get pregnant.

I look at the calendar and laugh. If it works this time around I will be due around September 3. My maternity leave would be the first few weeks of school. I've thought about it quite a bit, but nothing is going to stop us from trying. We are ready for a baby and we are ready for whatever God has planned for us.

We went to the RE. Our plan is as follows.
I'm upping my dose of Met to 1500mg, taking prenatals, and another drug to lower my testosterone level.
I will be rechecked for the testosterone level about 30 days later.
I will start birth control pills on Nov 5 (due to DH's travel schedule)
I will have a HSG on Nov. 12 to check out my uterus and tubes
I will call in when I start AF
I will use Femara and Gonal-F
I will use a trigger
I don't know if we will be using TI or IUI.

DH's second SA results will be in late next week I believe.
DR mentioned that we may need to freeze some of DH's swimmers so that we can do an IUI if we need to(if DH is out of town).

More info...

I guess I should have said that I do like my RE. I know I will be seeing him often and I really do like him. I'm glad that he does my u/s because he knows what he wants to look at and will explain it to me. I'm thankful that he will be doing my HSG because I feel comfortable with him(as comfortable with him as I can be).

DH's S/A came back and I wasn't certain about the exact numbers because the nurse gave them to me, but they didn't make sense. I do know that his motility number isn't where they want it to be. Right now DH is taking 10 days of the antibiotics and then will redo the SA. I'm praying that we will only have to deal with my uncooperative ovaries, and not have to worry about DH's sperm. I know that whatever we have to go through it will be worth it though.

I know that God has this all planned out. I'm working on being patient for his time. It is so easy for me to get anxious and to become impatient. I really need to work on this. I need to be content with where I am and leave it all up to HIM. This is going to be a work in progress, but I will work very hard for it.

I realized...

that there are many of you that read my blog. At first I was going to change the settings so that only people that I gave permission to would be able to read it. Then I discovered that there are so many that like to read, I wouldn't want anyone not able to read it.

So, I changed my mind. I will keep it open to the public for the world to see.

Friday I went in for an update to my blood work. DH will be going in on Monday for his s/a to be done. I believe that we will be going back in this week to get the results from both tests. I'm not sure when though.

I know that this cycle we will be using Femara and Gonal-F to make my embies grow. Also cd5-12 somewhere in there I will be having a HSG done to make sure my tubes are clear. I know many people have gotten pg shortly after they do the HSG. I'm just praying for the Lords time.

I'm reminded often of the fact that He will give me the disires of my heart. Before I thought about it and was thinking, well what does that mean? If I desire (want a new car) would he give it to me? and that didn't make sense to me. Then I thought about it some more and continued to pray about it. Then it hit me, he will give me the desires of my heart because I desire his will. Also the desires in my heart are from him. All of the glory and honor will go right back to HIM.

I can't do this on my own and by no means want to. His plan is bigger and better than I can even imagine. I need to keep praying for his will and for his plan. I know that he will make it clear for us to see.

Also praying for DH's job situation. He doesn't like the job that he is at and he is gone a lot with work(makes TTC hard). He has had one interview and we are praying about that right now.

More rambles to come later.

R.E. Visit

First of all, thanks so much for everyone that was asking how our visit went. It helps so much knowing that so many of you care about us and your journey. There are so many that read my blog that I didn't know about. To all of my blog readers, please leave me a comment and your blog address so that I can also keep up on you.

The trip to the R.E. was very difficult. The directions that I had weren't very clear and ended up getting turned around a few times. DH arrived at the RE right on time at 4:40. I on the other, hand was late. The trip should have taken me about 30 minutes to get there and it ended up taking me over an hr.

Thankfully the staff was ok with it(DH told them that I was on my way but stuck in traffic). I filled out the rest of the paperwork that they didn't include in the packet and went back to the room with the nurse. They asked where I was in my cycle, got my height and weight and all of that kind of stuff.

Then we were taken to our Dr's office and introduced to him. We went over some of the medical history and all of that kind of stuff. I could tell that even he was discouraged that I don't have a cycle on my own. We talked about my ovaries and he said why don't we check them out.

We then stepped into the exam room and I removed everything below the waist. The dr and nurse came in once I was ready and did a transvaginal ultrasound. If you've never had one, it is a wand that is inserted to get a look at your reproductive organs from the inside.

He said that there were many follies, and that I had an orphanage of follies waiting. He said all we have to do is to get them to grow and develop. One of the problems with PCOS patients is that it is very easy to over stimulate the ovaries. So we will be using Femara again and a small dose of injectables. I will be closely monitored at all times.

So first step will be to have my Fasting Glucose test checked again(PCOS) and that will be done on Friday. Then sometime in the near future I will start the medicine to induce my period. This medicine will be taken for 12 days and then a period should start 3-7 days later.

Once I have a cycle, on CD5-12 I will be having a HSG(this is an x-ray of my "stuff" :) For this I will need to have a driver and I will have to take antibiotics 2 days before(day of and 2 days after). I will also have to take Valium one hour before the test and 3 ibuprofen. For this I will have to take the day off of work because they only schedule it in the morning.

This cycle I will be using the Femara and an injectible drug(the drug will be dependent on . I will also have to schedule my class for the injectables.

DH is going on Monday for his S.A. We have to abstain from Friday on :(

Dh was awesome about all of this, and he told me how much he loves me and appreciates me going through all of this for us and our dreams. He also told me that he was sorry about me having to do the u/s. I love my hubby he is awesome.

Then when we left, I knew that my car needed gas, so we were on our way to the gas station. Then all of a sudden my car ran out of gas. DH was in his car in front of me and we were on the phone. So he parked his car and ran back to my car and pushed me into a parking lot. Thankfully there was a jogger nearby and he helped too. We couldn't get the car started with gas put into it for over 2 1/2 hrs. We called a friend and they called a friend to help us. We didn't get it started until we filled the tank and then put a little continuous pressure on the pedal and starting the car.

My appointment was at 5pm and we didn't get home till 9:30. It was a long hard day.

For anyone that has made it through this entire blog, you are one awesome friend and please leave a message. Thank you so much!

You guys are awesome!

Great News!

On Thursday, DH gave me the ok to call and make an appointment for the R.E. I knew that it could take 3 weeks-3 months to get an appointment. I left a message for the new patient person to call me back. She called me when I was in a meeting, so I called her back.

She started asking me questions and then said how about "Tuesday at 5pm" I was shocked. I replied "As in a few days from now?" and she said "Yes" I was asking God for direction on the next step, I know that I shouldn't be surprised because His plan is just amazing.

After all of this time praying for what to do for the next step, then hearing that not only did we make right chioice that God was trying to show me "yup, this is what I want for you right now."

Now I'm getting nervous, there is so much paperwork to fill out and to get ready. I'm not even sure what questions to ask. I'm not really looking forward to all the exams and or testing. I know that it will all be worth it though.

God is GREAT!

Hey girls

Just wanted to let you know that I'm going to set this blog to private. If you would like to continue getting them, please leave me your email address so that I can add you.

Maybe I Oed....

Looking at my ff chart, it says that I have Oed. Well if you look at the date, it is the same day that I posted that I was an emotional wreck. That day I cried all the time for no reason.

Maybe I did really O, who knows.

Now for the waiting game.

What was up with me?

Yesterday I cried three times at work and a few times at home. Most of it was over nothing. I felt fine, I wasn't upset or frustrated. I have no idea where it came from. I was on cd14 and not really sure what was going on.

I laughed at myself because I was an emotional wreck. Now, I'm laughing at it again. I've NEVER felt this way before, I don't even know how to describe it.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Is God trying to tell me something?

Is God trying to tell me something?

First of all I was offered disability insurace through my school for a really good price. Only requirement is that a pg would be official after Oct 1 (can get a home BFP, but not dr and will be covered). This will cover me for bed rest and maternity leave.

Then I got a mag. in my box at school for a local parenting magazine.

Then I remembered the gut feeling that we would get pg on our second cycle of Femara(that happens to be this cycle). Also I have a feeling that our first born is going to be a boy.

I've never felt optimistic about getting pg, but this cycle I feel really positive. I pray that I'm right.

Update on me

I'm just checking in. I'm on cd12 today and waiting to O. I'm waiting for my OPKs to come in the mail, but I guess if I miss my O, oh well.

I'm taking a care free attitude about it, and we will see what happens. I just added a really good disability plan to my insurance. When we get pg, I will be getting 60% of my salary for disability. This will cover me if I'm on bed rest, hospital bed rest and for any time my dr writes me off for after the birth of our child. I'm not pg yet, but this will be wonderful once we do get pg.

I wanted this to cover me for when I'm out on maternity leave. And with the IF and the chance of complications, I knew that I wanted to be covered with the chance of bed rest.

I'm just praying that we made the right decision on this.

Praying that cycle 7 will be the lucky one. Our lucky number has always been 7, so we will see if this will follow.

Cycle 7

I'm on to cycle 7. This cycle will work. The number 7 has always been lucky for us, so it has to be this time. :)

Just pray for Gods will and that we will have healthy children.


In His Time!

I'M LATE!

I don't want to get my hopes up, but I'm late. This cycle is very confusing. I had a positive OPK right before I started my provera and didn't really believe it because I've never had one.

Well I ALWAYS get af 2(pm)-3(am)days after Provera. Today is day 4 after. Still no AF. I tested this am and I'm only 11dpo, it was BFN.

The only thing different is I only took Provera for 7 days instead of 10. I guess I will have to wait a few days to see what happens.

AHHHHHH!

Anniversary

Today is our second wedding anniverary. I really thought that we would have a child by now. DH was so sweet this morning and all day. We didn't want to spend too much money on our anniversary, so we just went out to dinner. We are at home relaxing with our puppy and watching tv. We didn' t go out and do anything else because I have a really bad head ache.

I have a new attitude about TTC. We will get pregnat whatever it takes. We will have a child of our own. I don't know how we will pay for it, but we will. DH and I were talking about when to try for our second child(lord willing that we have our first). He surprised me by saying that he doesn't want to prevent from the time that our first is born. Even if I get pg 3mo after giving birth, he is ok with that. I was pretty surprised by that, but pretty much feel the same.

Well, I'm off to cuddle with DH. Have a great night.

Baby Dust for everyone.

Emotions

I started Provera a few days ago(to induce cycle, I'm on day 3 of 10). Now I feel that I may be ovulating. How am I to feel. Happy? How, I really doubt that I will be able to O without injectables. I have no idea how I'm going to see an RE if I don't get pregnant in the next few months with my OB. Being a teacher really makes things difficult. I'm not supposed to leave school until 3:15 and I know that the closest RE is about 45min away. I have no idea if they will let me have 4pm appts every time. Plus being a beginning teacher, I don't have any time saved up.

I don't know how I'm supposed to do this anymore. I get my hopes up that I'm Oing and I find out that I'm not even doing that. It seems like 1 step up, 3 steps back. I'm wondering if trying to have our own child is even worth all of this. I'm ready to adopt if that is what we need to do.

I ache for a child of my own. I believe that a birth child of mine is what God has in store for me. I don't know why I doubt him, or why I get so discouraged. I try to smile, and think positive, but it isn't very easy.

~Emotionally Drained

and to top it off, my room should be finished, and it isn't even close.

Negative P4

Not only was it negative, it was only a .8 WOW. I took the test at what I thought was 7 dpo. I had determined this by some cm and pains on my left side.

Well now I'm at cd 27 and all of a sudden I have very EW CM, nothing like CD15 and feel a little crampy. My CP is also right on with on coming ovulation. I decided that I'm not going to tell DH that I think that I'm Oing and just BD any way.

Now I will have to wait at least 2 more weeks. LOL

School starts two weeks from Monday. :)

No answer today.

Had my blood drawn for the P4 today, but no results yet. I hope they call tomorrow. I really don't want to wait any longer.

Monday, tomorrow.

I will find out if I Ovulated or not. I thought that I did, now I'm second guessing it. I will go in at 9am to have my blood drawn. They do a P4 test to see if I ovulated and how my hormones look now.

I'm not even sure what the levels should look like, so I will need to ask the nurse what it should be. I'm praying that I at least Ovulated, then we can tackle the getting pg part later if we have to. I'm sure that I won't get pg on my first cycle of Femara.

We will find out tomorrow.

Now I get to wait.

Not like I haven't been waiting before, but now I have a certain day. Monday will be my first ever P4 test to see if I ovulated. I have that gut feeling that I did, so I will just have to wait to see if the test confirms it, or if I'm just loony. :) I guess I will know if I should get my hopes up about being pg or not. If it is confirmed that I Oed, then I will only have about 1 week of waiting for a pg test.

I hope that I can stay distracted this weekend so that it passes quickly. My friend is moving down here today from MI, I'm so excited she will be living in my apartment complex and teaching in my building at school. She will be moving into her apartment all weekend.

DH and I want to go see "Bourne Ultimatum" this weekend. It opens tonight, and I loved the first two movies. I hope this one is just as good as the other two. I'm not sure how we are going to go see it tonight and not be rude to my friend. She will be driving in tonight and staying that at our place till she moves in on Saturday.

I think that I have an answer of what I'll be teaching in a few weeks. It sounds like I'll be teaching 4th and I don't have to change classrooms. I really should be at school, working in my classroom.

Have a great day!

Waiting...

Life/vent

I know that I should be happy, but I guess I'm pretty Blah right now. So many things on my mind and I don't know how to get anything done. I know that I'm going to have a lot of responsibility on me very soon.

DH started his new job he will be gone for two weeks, home for two, gone for two and so on. It will be weird getting used to the schedule, but I'm sure that we will be fine. He has already expressed concern about being away from me when we have a little one. I know that he is going to love this new job and I don't want anything to hold him back in that. Where he works is such a large place, and we know that he can change positions in the company if he wants to.

I have to be at school starting Aug 13th, and I wish I could be there right now and work on my class room. The problem is I don't know what grade or room I will be in. I will either be teaching 3rd, 4th, or 5th. I like the rooms that I would have for 3rd or 4th. The 4th room is the room I had last year. I honestly want 3rd or 4th, but I will have to wait and see. Many of the teachers are already there setting up their classrooms. I wish I could join them. I should have some answers on/by Friday. Although I could spend all day at school tomorrow if I wanted to, but not really since I don't know what room I will be in. The school provides a laptop for teachers, and I got mine today. It isn't anything to brag about. It was purchased over 4 years ago. I'm surprised that it is still running. LOL.

Then there is the all consuming IF. For the first time ever it looks like I have Oed. Then I take my temp and it doesn't follow my thought of an O. Also I never got a +OPK. I was going by my saliva monitor and my horrid cramps. I guess I will find out on Monday. Either it will be a good day and I will have a hope of being pregnant for the first time ever. Or it will be an awful day that I will have to wonder how in the world will I make my schedule work around DH's work schedule so that he is home for BDing. It isn't like I will be able to fly to wherever he is so we can BD. Not with being a teacher that is.

I guess I just feel emotionally drained. I'm normally so positive and upbeat. Today though, is just a different story. I don't even know how to express how I feel. I guess I didn't start my day off the greatest. I woke up in the middle of the night, thinking I was going to get sick and ended up sleeping on the couch so DH could get a good night sleep. Then about an hr later, he wandered out to see where I was cause he was worried about me. AWWW. he is so sweet.

If you have made it to the end of this post, you should get an award. Thanks for reading you are a true friend.

Ovulation

I think that my body really did it. I'm so surprised. It started out with mild cramps cd10 on, then on cd15 I had really bad cramps. I was actually worried that something was wrong. I had ferning for the first time yesterday on my saliva monitor(partials the few days before). Also my temp was very low yesterday and very high today.

Now I get to play the waiting game.

My very first 2ww. I'm in awe once again.

Lord, you are awesome, I don't know how many more blessings I can handle.

CRAMPS!

WOW, that is all I have to say. I take that back, OUCH!

What? This better be the big O, no not that one, get your mind out of the gutter. :)

Great Day!!!

I'm in a great mood and having a wonderful day. My day started out with a ferning pattern on my saliva monitor. I jumped up and down all excited. I was wondering if I was Oing because I had some cramps. I will be having b/w done next mon or tues to find out if I Oed or not.

I went to the resource center for our school district, and they have a ton of materials for all of the teachers to use. I can't believe how much money I can save by going there. Then I went to walmart and purchased crayola crayons for my students the 28 count were only 15 cents a box. There is a limit of 5 per customer, so I will be going back the next few days to get some more.

Then I decided that I wanted to make a really nice dinner for DH since today is his first day at work. We are going to have salad, lasagna, garlic breadsticks and choclate chip cookies. I'm so excited. I also picked up a few other things to make some of his other favorite dinners this week.

DH called me on one of his breaks from his orientation. His company provides him a cell phone, lap top, and business credit card. He will earn frequent flyer miles and hotel points (for us to use) when he is traveling(he will travel abot 50% of the time). Also his health insurance is through Texas, and they are mandated to offer IF coverage. I hope that we won't need it anymore, but if we do, we may have coverage through his insurance. He is so excited about the job and so am I. The more that he learns about his new job the happier he gets.

I will have one of my friends back in town on Wed. and a great friend is moving down here on friday. I can't wait to see her so we can go have fun.

No matter what the Lord has in store for me, I'm so happy. Yesterday at church, this verse was mentioned. Psalm 37:4 (New International Version)

Psalm 37:4 (New International Version)
4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

I have heard this verse many times, but this time it really made me think. God has blessed us so much, and I have given him all of the glory. Could he really be sending a child into our lives? For some strange reason I feel like I'm pg, or I'm going to be pg in the very near future. I don't know how to explain it. If God give us a child, I really don't know how I can take it. I'm already so blessed, I can't imagine any more wonderful blessings.

I'm so in awe. Lord you are awesome.

Normal?

I believe that since today is cd14, a normal person should be ovulating. LOL I know that I'm not normal. :) He He. Yesterday, I wasn't too sure what to think with the AF type cramps. Today, I still don't know what to think. My temps dropped this am, and I have no idea if they truly did or not since today is only day 2 of temping this cycle.

I still have faith that the Lord will make my body do what it is designed to do. Lord, please make my body work!

I'm so excited DH starts his new job tomorrow. In a few months we will be stable with our money again. These past few months were very stressful. I know that stress isn't going to just disapear since I'm getting ready to start my first full year of teaching, but I know that God will help us through everything.

Please pray for DH's work schedule. He will be traveling 50% of the time. Pray that the Lord will have him home when we need to be TTC.

Thanks girls!

More updates from me

Rachel, this is for you. :) I'm trying to update more often. Today I had a partial ferning pattern on my saliva monitor. I pray that I wil O on this cycle. I keep having a strange feeling around my left ovary. It isn't quite pain, but it is somewhat uncomfortable.

Some of my major stress is leaving. DH got a great job that he will start on Monday. Our money will still be tight for a few months, but at least we will have income in August. (we didn't in June or July). We visited family in MI and now I'm ready to start working on my classroom.

I had a long conversation with God yesterday (driving home from MI to NC). I told him how thankful that I was for all of the many blessings that he has given us. I'm still amazed at all of the wonderful things God has given us. At this moment in time, I just want to ovulate. Since I have PCOS, my body has decided that it doesn't want to ovulate. I have already lost 23lbs, still need to drop about 15-20 more. God has helped me with my self image, my fertility attitude and how I'm looking at life. I feel like this new med that I'm on (Femara) is like a new chapter. I have a new attitued and desire for the Lord's will. I know that his plan for me is wonderful, and I can't wait to see it.

All I'm asking for right now, is for my body to start working. A healthy pregnancy would be great too, but I just want my body to start working.

~Thanks for reading!

Strange feeling

I have a weird feeling around where my left ovary is. I'm wondering what it could be. I felt it a little yesterday at cd9 but mostly today at cd10. Could it be a follie growing? I have no idea what an ovulation feels like, I can't imagine that it could be Oing yet.

What do you think?

Here we go...

Today is cd9, and I know it is too early. DH started our BDing marathon last night. :) Like DH said, this is our first time actually BDing. Ever since we have been TTC I've never Oed. We are thinking positive that I will O.

Big answer to our prayers, DH got a job, a wonderful job. He will start next Mon. Please pray that DH will be home when we need to be BDing since he will travel a lot with his job.

Femara!!

Yesterday was Femara dose 1, I'm excited/nervous about this med. So far, no s/e.

Waiting....

For AF. As a teen, I always thought that it was nice that I didn't get AF more than 3 times a year. I didn't have to worry about summer and swimming because I didn't usulay get AF.

Who knew that this would be such a hard thing to deal with as an adult. Now the missing AF is a curse that says that I can't be a mom without help.

I tell you what I'm going to beat this PCOS, I'm not going to let it control me. I know that God has me in his hand and that I will have children when it is his time. I don't feel that I should stop treatments, I know that this is what God wants for us to be doing right now.

I'm working on my diet, taking my Metformin and I will see what God's will has in store for us.

Oh yeah, if you haven't figured it out.... I'm still waiting for AF. It has been 107 days I'm on Provera to start my AF. When you aren't TTC, you don't want AF, when you are trying to get pg you don't want AF, you want BFP. But when you know that you aren't pg, and you want to get on to the next cycle, you just want AF to show her ugly head so that you can get on with everything.

Back from the Dr.

I went to my OB/GYN appointment today. I was very impressed at the staff and the practice in general. I'm excited that the dr was so encouraging. She kept telling me that it isn't a matter of if we get pregnant but when we get pregnant.

I will be taking Provera to induce cycle, and then for the first time ever I will take Femara to induce ovulation. Then I will have a P4 done on cd21 to see if I Oed or not. I'm so excited, now we just need to get the hubby a good job.

Also when they took my blood, I had the best nurse. I hardly felt the poke at all. I've never had such an easy time with blood before. Believe me, I've had a lot done in the past year.

Flood of Emotion

DH still hasn't found a job. As of Aug. 1st we can't pay any of our bills. We are trying to eat very little just to survive. I don't get my next pay check till Aug 27th and that should go for our Sept. bills. DH has applied to jobs in and out of his field. He has even applied for factory jobs. He hasn't even gotten an interview. (For those of you that don't know, we moved from MI to NC in April. I finished up the school year (teacher) and won't get paid till the end of Aug. DH has been applying for jobs since March. He is getting very frustrated and upset about the situation.)

I had applied to a few different jobs and ended up getting a job at Blockbuster not making very much. I interviewed on the 19th, accepted the job on the 22nd(she wasn't there to accept it sooner) and I still haven't even started the position. Since then I have applied for many other jobs to see what I can get. Not many people want to even consider me since I will have to be min. hours once school starts.

Please pray for us and our situation. I still haven't gotten this PCOS under control. I haven't had AF in almost 100 days.

I know that our God is faithful and he will provide our needs. I'm having a hard time trusting him right now.

Thank you girls for everything.

BFN

I have been feeling weird, and wasn't sure what it was. I thought for sure that AF was on her way. Days later, still nothing. So this morning I sucked it up and took a test. No big surprise, BFN.

I will be going to an OB/GYN on Tuesday. I'm excited to hear what she has to say. I know that I could be wasting time, but at the same time, we don't have the money to spend quite yet. Also for insurance purposes, I will need to be referred to an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist).

A few short days from now, DH and I will be celebrating our 6 year dating anniversary. The time has flown by. I can't believe that 6 years ago today, I didn't really even know my DH. I had only seen him a few times, but never even talked to him. LOL times sure have changed.

Here is a video link that explains how I feel, thanks maydaygirl for sharing it with me.

I Would Die For That

...oh, and by the way try not to cry when you are watching it.

Waiting and Thoughts

First of all, I'm waiting on my drs appointment next week. I have no idea what to expect. I want to ask and see if I should do a HSG and see if everything is clear. Also I want to ask if they would be willing to use Femara for treatment. I also wonder if I should try Clomid again at a stronger dose or not.

I'm thinking about the future and wondering if/when I will get to experience motherhood. I have a very supportive DH, and now I'm wondering if I should start telling the family so that they can be supportive too. In a few short days, it will be one year that we have been trying.

I know that God has a plan for us. I'm thankful that He gave us the sign to start TTC, if we wouldn't have yet, I wouldn't have known about my PCOS. Also if I would have gotten pg before now, I'm sure that we wouldn't have moved out of state like we just did. I know that God can see the large picture.

Before when we first started TTC, one month was dreadful. If I wasn't pg by the next month I was devastated. Now, looking back, I kinda laugh. Now as I look at it I know that it still may be a long road ahead.

Before I would POAS(pee on a stick, take a pregnancy test) all the time to see if I was pg. Now, I think about and say naa, I'll wait. lol.

Scheduled Dr. Visit

I found an OB/GYN near my house. I looked and looked to find somewhere. The first place I called was very friendly and knew about PCOS and how they treat it normally. I scheduled an appointment for July 3rd. I'm excited to get our TTC back on track. I haven't had a cycle in 89 days.

The second place that I called was terrible. I don't even know how to say how bad it was. The lady wouldn't answer simple yes or no questions. I wanted to know how they handle PCOS and she said she couldn't tell me because I wasn't a patient. I then told her well I'm looking at becoming a patient and that I know what standard treatment is and I was wondering specifics about it. She backed off a bit, but I had to be mean to get answers. Need less to say, I won't be going there.

Emotional Roller Coaster

This past year has been a though one. Last year this time, I thought I was pregnant. I was so excited I was planning on how I could tell my DH that we are pregnant. I was planning on telling him in the am on Fathers Day and then tell our dads in the evening. Boy was I up for a surprise, I had no idea about PCOS or that a year later not only that we wouldn't have a child, but I'm still not pregnant.

I can go through and list all of the different thoughts and feelings that I have had for each cycle. I get my hopes up and then they come tumbling down like a child's building blocks. I thought I might tell DH that we were pg for our Anniversary, Thanksgivings, Christmas, Valentines Day and then finally his birthday. All of these times I should have had a period or a positive pregnancy test. Lucky me, I didn't get either and I had to take drugs to make me have a period.

My birthday is only 3 days away, I don't have money right now to even buy some new vitamins that may help with PCOS. I'm planning on spending any birthday money on buying them as one last chance/hope to get pregnant.

I know that God is standing right beside me on this journey. I know that he hasn't left my side, but sometimes that doesn't even provide the comfort. I know that I should find all of my comfort in Him, but it isn't always easy.

Sometimes I get stuck in the "why me" pitty party, and then I kick myself in the butt. I know that I shouldn't fell sorry for myself. Daily I'm reminded of all of the children that are brought into this world without someone that loves them and wants them. There are so many parents out there rasing children that they didn't even want. Here I am, and all I want is children and I can't have them.

It has been over a year since we first started trying and I honestly don't know how much more I can take. I have gone through three cycles of Clomid and I can't even get my body to ovulate. I don't even know if my tubes are blocked, if I have problems with my cm, or if I would even get a baby to implant. Then the other side of things. I don't even know about DH's sperm. We could have a large list of problems. I only know of one and can't even get that fixed.

~Frustrated

My PCOS history

In 2006, DH and I decided to go off of the BCP and start TTC. After going off of the pill, I didn't have a cycle for over 75 days and decided to go to the Dr. to find out what was going on. August 2006 I was told that I have PCOS. That was an emotional roller coaster and a complete shock.

I started the journey taking Metformin. I took 500mg for 2 weeks, then 1000mg for 2 weeks and then 1500mg from that point on.

I went 113 days for with that cycle and only started a new cycle with the help of Provera. I took the Provera for 10 days and 4 days later started my new cycle.

On Nov 5, 2006 I started cycle 2. This cycle I took 1500mg of Met and 50mg of Clomid on cd 3-7. No results and my period only came on cd44 due to Provera.

On Dec 19, 2006 I started cycle 3. I took 1500mg of Met and 50mg of Clomid on cd 3-7 and still no results. Provera was used again to start a new cycle.

On Feb 4, 2007 I started cycle 4. I took 1500mg of Met, 50mg of Clomid cd 3-7(pm) and 80mg of soy on cd 1-3(am). Provera was used again to start a new cycle.

On Mar 26, 2007 I started cycle 5. I was taking some of my Met, but refrained from taking any other medicine due to the fact that we were moving out of state and finding new jobs. I didn't/don't want to be/get pregnant w/o health insurance and stable jobs.

That sums up the history.