I have been feeling weird, and wasn't sure what it was. I thought for sure that AF was on her way. Days later, still nothing. So this morning I sucked it up and took a test. No big surprise, BFN.
I will be going to an OB/GYN on Tuesday. I'm excited to hear what she has to say. I know that I could be wasting time, but at the same time, we don't have the money to spend quite yet. Also for insurance purposes, I will need to be referred to an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist).
A few short days from now, DH and I will be celebrating our 6 year dating anniversary. The time has flown by. I can't believe that 6 years ago today, I didn't really even know my DH. I had only seen him a few times, but never even talked to him. LOL times sure have changed.
Here is a video link that explains how I feel, thanks maydaygirl for sharing it with me.
I Would Die For That
...oh, and by the way try not to cry when you are watching it.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Waiting and Thoughts
First of all, I'm waiting on my drs appointment next week. I have no idea what to expect. I want to ask and see if I should do a HSG and see if everything is clear. Also I want to ask if they would be willing to use Femara for treatment. I also wonder if I should try Clomid again at a stronger dose or not.
I'm thinking about the future and wondering if/when I will get to experience motherhood. I have a very supportive DH, and now I'm wondering if I should start telling the family so that they can be supportive too. In a few short days, it will be one year that we have been trying.
I know that God has a plan for us. I'm thankful that He gave us the sign to start TTC, if we wouldn't have yet, I wouldn't have known about my PCOS. Also if I would have gotten pg before now, I'm sure that we wouldn't have moved out of state like we just did. I know that God can see the large picture.
Before when we first started TTC, one month was dreadful. If I wasn't pg by the next month I was devastated. Now, looking back, I kinda laugh. Now as I look at it I know that it still may be a long road ahead.
Before I would POAS(pee on a stick, take a pregnancy test) all the time to see if I was pg. Now, I think about and say naa, I'll wait. lol.
I'm thinking about the future and wondering if/when I will get to experience motherhood. I have a very supportive DH, and now I'm wondering if I should start telling the family so that they can be supportive too. In a few short days, it will be one year that we have been trying.
I know that God has a plan for us. I'm thankful that He gave us the sign to start TTC, if we wouldn't have yet, I wouldn't have known about my PCOS. Also if I would have gotten pg before now, I'm sure that we wouldn't have moved out of state like we just did. I know that God can see the large picture.
Before when we first started TTC, one month was dreadful. If I wasn't pg by the next month I was devastated. Now, looking back, I kinda laugh. Now as I look at it I know that it still may be a long road ahead.
Before I would POAS(pee on a stick, take a pregnancy test) all the time to see if I was pg. Now, I think about and say naa, I'll wait. lol.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Scheduled Dr. Visit
I found an OB/GYN near my house. I looked and looked to find somewhere. The first place I called was very friendly and knew about PCOS and how they treat it normally. I scheduled an appointment for July 3rd. I'm excited to get our TTC back on track. I haven't had a cycle in 89 days.
The second place that I called was terrible. I don't even know how to say how bad it was. The lady wouldn't answer simple yes or no questions. I wanted to know how they handle PCOS and she said she couldn't tell me because I wasn't a patient. I then told her well I'm looking at becoming a patient and that I know what standard treatment is and I was wondering specifics about it. She backed off a bit, but I had to be mean to get answers. Need less to say, I won't be going there.
The second place that I called was terrible. I don't even know how to say how bad it was. The lady wouldn't answer simple yes or no questions. I wanted to know how they handle PCOS and she said she couldn't tell me because I wasn't a patient. I then told her well I'm looking at becoming a patient and that I know what standard treatment is and I was wondering specifics about it. She backed off a bit, but I had to be mean to get answers. Need less to say, I won't be going there.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Emotional Roller Coaster
This past year has been a though one. Last year this time, I thought I was pregnant. I was so excited I was planning on how I could tell my DH that we are pregnant. I was planning on telling him in the am on Fathers Day and then tell our dads in the evening. Boy was I up for a surprise, I had no idea about PCOS or that a year later not only that we wouldn't have a child, but I'm still not pregnant.
I can go through and list all of the different thoughts and feelings that I have had for each cycle. I get my hopes up and then they come tumbling down like a child's building blocks. I thought I might tell DH that we were pg for our Anniversary, Thanksgivings, Christmas, Valentines Day and then finally his birthday. All of these times I should have had a period or a positive pregnancy test. Lucky me, I didn't get either and I had to take drugs to make me have a period.
My birthday is only 3 days away, I don't have money right now to even buy some new vitamins that may help with PCOS. I'm planning on spending any birthday money on buying them as one last chance/hope to get pregnant.
I know that God is standing right beside me on this journey. I know that he hasn't left my side, but sometimes that doesn't even provide the comfort. I know that I should find all of my comfort in Him, but it isn't always easy.
Sometimes I get stuck in the "why me" pitty party, and then I kick myself in the butt. I know that I shouldn't fell sorry for myself. Daily I'm reminded of all of the children that are brought into this world without someone that loves them and wants them. There are so many parents out there rasing children that they didn't even want. Here I am, and all I want is children and I can't have them.
It has been over a year since we first started trying and I honestly don't know how much more I can take. I have gone through three cycles of Clomid and I can't even get my body to ovulate. I don't even know if my tubes are blocked, if I have problems with my cm, or if I would even get a baby to implant. Then the other side of things. I don't even know about DH's sperm. We could have a large list of problems. I only know of one and can't even get that fixed.
~Frustrated
I can go through and list all of the different thoughts and feelings that I have had for each cycle. I get my hopes up and then they come tumbling down like a child's building blocks. I thought I might tell DH that we were pg for our Anniversary, Thanksgivings, Christmas, Valentines Day and then finally his birthday. All of these times I should have had a period or a positive pregnancy test. Lucky me, I didn't get either and I had to take drugs to make me have a period.
My birthday is only 3 days away, I don't have money right now to even buy some new vitamins that may help with PCOS. I'm planning on spending any birthday money on buying them as one last chance/hope to get pregnant.
I know that God is standing right beside me on this journey. I know that he hasn't left my side, but sometimes that doesn't even provide the comfort. I know that I should find all of my comfort in Him, but it isn't always easy.
Sometimes I get stuck in the "why me" pitty party, and then I kick myself in the butt. I know that I shouldn't fell sorry for myself. Daily I'm reminded of all of the children that are brought into this world without someone that loves them and wants them. There are so many parents out there rasing children that they didn't even want. Here I am, and all I want is children and I can't have them.
It has been over a year since we first started trying and I honestly don't know how much more I can take. I have gone through three cycles of Clomid and I can't even get my body to ovulate. I don't even know if my tubes are blocked, if I have problems with my cm, or if I would even get a baby to implant. Then the other side of things. I don't even know about DH's sperm. We could have a large list of problems. I only know of one and can't even get that fixed.
~Frustrated
My PCOS history
In 2006, DH and I decided to go off of the BCP and start TTC. After going off of the pill, I didn't have a cycle for over 75 days and decided to go to the Dr. to find out what was going on. August 2006 I was told that I have PCOS. That was an emotional roller coaster and a complete shock.
I started the journey taking Metformin. I took 500mg for 2 weeks, then 1000mg for 2 weeks and then 1500mg from that point on.
I went 113 days for with that cycle and only started a new cycle with the help of Provera. I took the Provera for 10 days and 4 days later started my new cycle.
On Nov 5, 2006 I started cycle 2. This cycle I took 1500mg of Met and 50mg of Clomid on cd 3-7. No results and my period only came on cd44 due to Provera.
On Dec 19, 2006 I started cycle 3. I took 1500mg of Met and 50mg of Clomid on cd 3-7 and still no results. Provera was used again to start a new cycle.
On Feb 4, 2007 I started cycle 4. I took 1500mg of Met, 50mg of Clomid cd 3-7(pm) and 80mg of soy on cd 1-3(am). Provera was used again to start a new cycle.
On Mar 26, 2007 I started cycle 5. I was taking some of my Met, but refrained from taking any other medicine due to the fact that we were moving out of state and finding new jobs. I didn't/don't want to be/get pregnant w/o health insurance and stable jobs.
That sums up the history.
I started the journey taking Metformin. I took 500mg for 2 weeks, then 1000mg for 2 weeks and then 1500mg from that point on.
I went 113 days for with that cycle and only started a new cycle with the help of Provera. I took the Provera for 10 days and 4 days later started my new cycle.
On Nov 5, 2006 I started cycle 2. This cycle I took 1500mg of Met and 50mg of Clomid on cd 3-7. No results and my period only came on cd44 due to Provera.
On Dec 19, 2006 I started cycle 3. I took 1500mg of Met and 50mg of Clomid on cd 3-7 and still no results. Provera was used again to start a new cycle.
On Feb 4, 2007 I started cycle 4. I took 1500mg of Met, 50mg of Clomid cd 3-7(pm) and 80mg of soy on cd 1-3(am). Provera was used again to start a new cycle.
On Mar 26, 2007 I started cycle 5. I was taking some of my Met, but refrained from taking any other medicine due to the fact that we were moving out of state and finding new jobs. I didn't/don't want to be/get pregnant w/o health insurance and stable jobs.
That sums up the history.
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