Now

I keep saying that I'm going to update the blog more often, but I don't. I haven't updated in months, almost a year.

Infertility has been hard on my life, relationship with God, husband, friends and family.

I need to spend more time journaling my thoughts and feelings.

Lets see how I can do.

Long overdue update

I guess it has been quite a while since I've updated. I now have healthy 1 year old twins. IF, pregnancy, and motherhood has really changed me. I look back to where I have been and to where I'm at now. It amazes me how much our life experiences change you.

I'm going to try to update more often. I need a place to write, get my feelings out. Being a mom of twins isn't easy.

28 w u/s

Seeing our little ones was beautiful today. Both heads are down at the moment. 

Bekah is 2lb 15 oz and is measuring in the 60th %

Billy is 3lb and is measuring in the 63rd %

It was so much fun watching them move around, I'm so in love with my kids. 

I have a good friend of mine that is getting ready to start a GonalF cycle, they have been trying for about 4 years. I'm praying that this will be it. They have done clomid, iuis and even IVF, but their insurance changed, so they are taking a step back and trying inj again (has pcos and now on Met). They are praying her egg quality will be better and be successful. 

Please remember them in your prayers. 

Sorry

I'm sorry it has been so long since I've updated. I've been trying to keep our family blog updated, but I guess I also need a place to share my own feelings, that everyone IRL won't read. 

DH and I just came home from a long weekend. We had a blast at the beach. On the way home, about an hr into the trip I started having contractions. They were pretty much 8 min apart. I know that they always say to lay down and drink fluids. I reclined my chair and drank a bunch of water, they continued. I continued to time the contractions and pray that they would slow down or stop. At this time they had been 8 min apart and have lasted for almost 2 hrs. 

I called the dr, explained what was going on and said we were about 30min from home. They asked me to come strait to the office and not to go home first. We went strait there and my cervix didn't show that it was doing anything. My dr sent me home told me to stay on the couch and not to do much. Avoid stairs and house work. If I wasn't already on summer break, she would have taken me off of work. I'm not quite on bedrest, but I'm to rest for the next week and get checked out next Monday. If they get harder I'm to call in to the dr and let them know. 

I'll try to update more often. :)

A year ago

A year ago today, I remember waking up and being disappointed because another cycle of trying to add to our family had failed. I was crushed, and my heart ached. I didn't know how much longer I could do it.

Now I sit here today, so much to be thankful for. I have two healthy babies on the way, and a year from now, we will be sharing their first Easter. 

There has been so many holidays that I have felt the disappointment of not being pg(Thanksgiving 06, Christmas 06, Mother's and Father's day 07, Easter 07, Thanksgiving 07 and somewhat Christmas 07). I knew in my heart that I was pg Christmas 07, but I didn't want to believe it until I knew for sure. Then I didn't want to believe it until I saw the hb, and even after I saw both hb, I was still scared. I knew that I was still at risk for m/c and that IF had really put the fear into me. 

IF has changed me. I sit and smile as my little ones wiggle around inside me. I'm so thankful that I have two blessings on the way and that they are healthy as far as we know. I know that I will look at life and my children in a different life. IF has changed who I am and how I think about life. I'm thankful for what I have learned through this experience, and happy that I can put it in my past. I am so blessed. 

If you want to check up on my pregnancy and family, feel free to check our Family blog

Sorry

I'm sorry it has been a while since I've updated. We have been posting all of our pregnancy updates on our other blog billandkarriebrand.blogspot.com feel free to check it out to see my belly growing. I still can't believe that I'm pg. DH told me that I should get used to it because I'm already 15w and before I know it I will have our twins in my arms. 

I still can't believe how awesome God is and that he has blessed us with twins. We know that there will be many adjustments and life will never be the same. We will have in our arms what we have dreamed for all of our lives A FAMILY. 

We are so blessed. We continue to pray for all of our friends and family that are going through IF and that God will bless you in his time.

God Bless

12 weeks

I can't believe today marks 12 weeks. It still doesn't seem quite real. I have all of these pg symptoms, and yet it doesn't feel real. I've lost 25lbs due to morning sickness and have only gained back 4lbs.

I feel guilty that I'm pg and I have so many IF friends that are still out there struggling. Why me? Why am I pg and they aren't?

This past week I have been spotting some and some mild cramps. My dr said that as long as it isn't bright red blood or that I'm not having awful pain that it is normal. It still doesn't help, I'm still scared that we could m/c our precious twins.

We are starting to get used to the idea that we are going to be parents of twins. It is exciting and scary all at the same time.

IF friends, I'm still praying for you. I know how hard the journey is and I still don't understand why I'm pg and your not. Its not fair.

Hey kids

Hey Kids,

  I just wanted to tell you that I love you. I can't wait to find out what sex you guys are. I hope that I can start feeling you two move in the next couple of months. I want to be able to share that with you soon. Enjoy all of the room you have in there right now, because I'm guessing it isn't going to last long.

Love you both,

Mommy

Baby Pics

First picture of the Twins together.
Baby A measuring .73cm
Baby B measuring .71cm
Baby A 117bpm
Baby B 128bpm

TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe it, we are having twins. Both measured right on target. We were able to see both heart beats.

I have 5 u/s pics and they look great.

Today is the ultrasound

I'm so excited to see this little one growing inside me. It still doesn't seem real. I'm sure it will as soon as I can see it. I'm praying that we can see the heart beat today. We should be able to since I'm 6wk and 4days pregnant.

I'm nervous that the baby isn't healthy, but I'm handing that over to God. Only positive thoughts now. I want to be able to tell the rest of our family that we haven't been able to tell but wondering if it is too soon.

Lord, this child is yours.

Even loger wait!

The RE's office called today to inform me that we have to reschedule my u/s. My dr will now be in surgery on Monday afternoon and won't be able to do my u/s. I explained that I'm a teacher and won't be able to get time off(since I've already taken so much time off to get pg). After checking the schedule she said that she has Thursday open at 3:30. That means that I have to use comp time from work and leave work early. I'm ok with it, I will just be rushed.

So now I have to wait till Thursday to see our little poletad. I was so excited today that Monday was only 4 days away. Now I have a full week till I get to see this little one. On the plus side I will be 6wks 4days, so we should be able to see the heart beat.

Still shocked

I can't really explain how I feel right now. I'm still shocked that I'm pg. I'm so amazed. I remind myself daily to give it to God and not to worry or to stress about it. I'm praying that we will see a healthy baby and it's heart beat on Monday. Only 5 days till I get to see my little one. I'm so excited that dh will get to go with me.

Please keep praying for us and that our little one is healthy and keeps growing strong.

BETA# 2

My 18dpo beta was 1048. RE said they don't need to do a third beta and that they will see me on the 14th for my u/s. Stick baby stick.

BETA #1

298 :) at 15dpo.

I can't believe

After feeling like crap at 10dpo I took a hpt. It was very very faint and I couldn't tell if it was an evaporation line or not. Then at 11dpo there was a very faint pink line. I still convinced myself that I was not pg. Both of the previous test were not FMU. On the morning of 12dpo I used FMU and had a nice BFP. I retested in the afternoon on 13dpo and it was nice and dark.

Now I'm waiting for my BETA test to come back. For now, I'm PREGNANT. I'm praying that it sticks and that we can have a healthy baby around September 7th.

Update

Ultrasound and blood work updates.

Sunday, Dec. 9th

Right 11, 12, 11
Left 12
Lining at a 6
Told to continue 112.5iu GonalF

Wednesday Dec. 12th
Right 15, 17, 18
Left 15, 17
Lining at a 9
Reduce GonalF to 75iu

Friday, Dec. 14th
Right 18, 19, 20
Left 18
Lining at a 11
Trigger that night.

I'm shocked and amazed. The dr said everything looked perfect especially with my pcos. He said it multiple times that everything looks great and that I couldn't ask for a better cycle.

Now we just do our thing and hand it to God. This is our journey with God and now we must hand it over and trust him. It isn't easy, but I know that there is nothing else that I can do. All I want is His will to be done.

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

I gave myself my first ever injection. It wasn't too bad. Pretty easy and pretty painless. I don't know how I'd feel if I had a bigger needle.

I'm pretty proud of myself. I did it all on my own and didn't get too shaky.

Here we go, we are off for our TTC adventure. As soon as I O, I can say this was the first time I've ever Oed. :)

I'm excited to know what blessings are going to follow.

CD3 Blood Work and Ultra Sound

Everything went great today. My ultrasound showed a good lining and the only cysts are my little PCOS ones.

My blood work came back great too. My Estrogen number and FSH number was great. I'm so excited. I'm nervous because I feel like I'm waiting for something to go wrong. How do I enjoy this time? I don't know.

I'm on PNV, Met, Femara 2.5mg(cd3-7), GonalF 100IU(cd5-?). I go back in on Sunday for b/w and u/s. I hope that all of my follies will look great when I go in.

I need to call my drs office and see what time of day to take the GonalF.

I'm so excited and nervous all at the same time.

Here we go

Today is Dec 2nd and it is also cd2. I go in first thing in the morning for my u/s and bw. I had to explain it to my boss and she was very understanding. I'm going to be late for work and someone is covering my class until I can get there. I feel bad, but my boss said to do what I need to do.

As long as everything looks good tomorrow, this cycle will be the first oportunity for Dh and I to become pg. I know we will still only have a 25% chance of getting pg like everyone else. We could have some really good news on Christmas day, or we could be faced with a BFN. I'm thinking positive and that everything will work out great this cycle.

It is all in God's hands.