Now

I keep saying that I'm going to update the blog more often, but I don't. I haven't updated in months, almost a year.

Infertility has been hard on my life, relationship with God, husband, friends and family.

I need to spend more time journaling my thoughts and feelings.

Lets see how I can do.

Long overdue update

I guess it has been quite a while since I've updated. I now have healthy 1 year old twins. IF, pregnancy, and motherhood has really changed me. I look back to where I have been and to where I'm at now. It amazes me how much our life experiences change you.

I'm going to try to update more often. I need a place to write, get my feelings out. Being a mom of twins isn't easy.

28 w u/s

Seeing our little ones was beautiful today. Both heads are down at the moment. 

Bekah is 2lb 15 oz and is measuring in the 60th %

Billy is 3lb and is measuring in the 63rd %

It was so much fun watching them move around, I'm so in love with my kids. 

I have a good friend of mine that is getting ready to start a GonalF cycle, they have been trying for about 4 years. I'm praying that this will be it. They have done clomid, iuis and even IVF, but their insurance changed, so they are taking a step back and trying inj again (has pcos and now on Met). They are praying her egg quality will be better and be successful. 

Please remember them in your prayers. 

Sorry

I'm sorry it has been so long since I've updated. I've been trying to keep our family blog updated, but I guess I also need a place to share my own feelings, that everyone IRL won't read. 

DH and I just came home from a long weekend. We had a blast at the beach. On the way home, about an hr into the trip I started having contractions. They were pretty much 8 min apart. I know that they always say to lay down and drink fluids. I reclined my chair and drank a bunch of water, they continued. I continued to time the contractions and pray that they would slow down or stop. At this time they had been 8 min apart and have lasted for almost 2 hrs. 

I called the dr, explained what was going on and said we were about 30min from home. They asked me to come strait to the office and not to go home first. We went strait there and my cervix didn't show that it was doing anything. My dr sent me home told me to stay on the couch and not to do much. Avoid stairs and house work. If I wasn't already on summer break, she would have taken me off of work. I'm not quite on bedrest, but I'm to rest for the next week and get checked out next Monday. If they get harder I'm to call in to the dr and let them know. 

I'll try to update more often. :)

A year ago

A year ago today, I remember waking up and being disappointed because another cycle of trying to add to our family had failed. I was crushed, and my heart ached. I didn't know how much longer I could do it.

Now I sit here today, so much to be thankful for. I have two healthy babies on the way, and a year from now, we will be sharing their first Easter. 

There has been so many holidays that I have felt the disappointment of not being pg(Thanksgiving 06, Christmas 06, Mother's and Father's day 07, Easter 07, Thanksgiving 07 and somewhat Christmas 07). I knew in my heart that I was pg Christmas 07, but I didn't want to believe it until I knew for sure. Then I didn't want to believe it until I saw the hb, and even after I saw both hb, I was still scared. I knew that I was still at risk for m/c and that IF had really put the fear into me. 

IF has changed me. I sit and smile as my little ones wiggle around inside me. I'm so thankful that I have two blessings on the way and that they are healthy as far as we know. I know that I will look at life and my children in a different life. IF has changed who I am and how I think about life. I'm thankful for what I have learned through this experience, and happy that I can put it in my past. I am so blessed. 

If you want to check up on my pregnancy and family, feel free to check our Family blog

Sorry

I'm sorry it has been a while since I've updated. We have been posting all of our pregnancy updates on our other blog billandkarriebrand.blogspot.com feel free to check it out to see my belly growing. I still can't believe that I'm pg. DH told me that I should get used to it because I'm already 15w and before I know it I will have our twins in my arms. 

I still can't believe how awesome God is and that he has blessed us with twins. We know that there will be many adjustments and life will never be the same. We will have in our arms what we have dreamed for all of our lives A FAMILY. 

We are so blessed. We continue to pray for all of our friends and family that are going through IF and that God will bless you in his time.

God Bless

12 weeks

I can't believe today marks 12 weeks. It still doesn't seem quite real. I have all of these pg symptoms, and yet it doesn't feel real. I've lost 25lbs due to morning sickness and have only gained back 4lbs.

I feel guilty that I'm pg and I have so many IF friends that are still out there struggling. Why me? Why am I pg and they aren't?

This past week I have been spotting some and some mild cramps. My dr said that as long as it isn't bright red blood or that I'm not having awful pain that it is normal. It still doesn't help, I'm still scared that we could m/c our precious twins.

We are starting to get used to the idea that we are going to be parents of twins. It is exciting and scary all at the same time.

IF friends, I'm still praying for you. I know how hard the journey is and I still don't understand why I'm pg and your not. Its not fair.